So I am sure we have all heard of the word boundaries somewhere along the line. Actually the old me probably thought this word was overutilized in our culture.
Boundaries defined on Positive Psychology is this: “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends . . . The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you.”
Sounds easy enough but as I reflect more and more on the past year, I have realized I have belittled this term for a long time. Because I. suck. with. boundaries. There, I said it.
As a perpetual beta, I am always looking to expand. More, more, more. Gain more knowledge, learn a new skill, deepen my spiritual practices, you get the idea. My way of doing this was generally by giving. Giving my time, my energy, my love, myself. For most of my adult life I have considered what is mine to be yours if you need it, no matter if this person, subject, or action was really worthy of it or not. That was how I was raised, at home, at church, etc. I was proud of it, until I wasn’t.
It took some pretty cataclysmic events for me to see the reason. That is why I say our hardest lessons, our tragic stories, are our best teachers. I realized through reading and the help of professionals what boundaries really meant. And in the end I am dumbfounded how long it took me, especially because I believe so deeply in the energetic field of all living beings.
The way I think of it now is protecting my real estate. Our energetic field is a big sphere around us, our aura, and in the past I have let people who cross my boundary off the hook. I rationalized it to myself that I will get over it. Which I can and do. I am resilient, and we all are, but it doesn’t mean you are invincible.
Oftentimes these are small scars, but guess what happens when you get one after the other, after the other. They build up and you can end up with some serious trauma that you can’t really attribute to any one thing, it is everything. And when the next inevitable hardship comes along, you have a mountain of hurt that goes into a tailspin. So now I realize that when I call out bad behavior I don’t need to go into it with the intention of changing the other person (another fault of mine I am working on, because it is impossible), but that I have my space and it is my sovereignty to protect.
This reframing has helped me greatly, and I have learned some new strategies to build and maintain boundaries, but would love to hear yours!
How do you make sure to protect your real estate?!