I promise I am not going to be Carrie Bradshaw on this site. But today I may have to be. Circumstances need evaluation that is what perpetual beta is. I am trying to renew myself, reveal myself, mostly to myself. Current circumstances happen to be sad, endings are sad when we have to face them, no?

My troubles come from wanting a man to be a man he is not. The one I need in order of most important to last important. And from his eyes, I lead him on. It is true, I was waiting to see if it was in him. And when, on what day, did my heart of hearts know? Know he wasn’t. Doesn’t come to clearly to me now, but I wanted to not lose him. 

Then the entanglement ensues, it is out with. Here is life and its ugly by they way but lets not be ugly so I will save you the gore in details. 

But then I tell my girlfriends the story, they usually make me crack up, really hard. I might go out for a drink, and laugh really hard more. And they can and will laugh at me too.

Afterwards I go back to being not normal.